Learning to Love, Again (Article)

Learning to love, again, when your heart has been broken can be an arduous task. There are times when you may have memories of the one you lost. The unpredictable part about reminiscing is that it can happen at the most inopportune times. A song on the radio, a movie, a fragrance, or a date on the calendar can trigger emotions. Whether there’s a yearning in your soul or an occasional thought regarding the “one that got away,” there is life after loss.

The reasons why relationships don’t last are vast and include death, divorce, separation, or mutual decision. Regardless of the reason, there is usually some level of pain, resentment, or regret associated with ending a significant relationship.

The first step is to realize that relationships require work, and must be a priority to both parties. Second, if you are the one who is at fault for the demise of the relationship, you must forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. The key is learning from those mistakes. That means coming to terms with your past and using it for instruction. Third, work on making yourself whole and complete before considering another serious relationship. You should strive to become independent even if that means going back to school for additional training or getting a better paying job. The best relationships are the ones where you want to be with the person instead of needing to be with them.

Next, accept yourself and be good to yourself. Eat right, exercise, and maintain a beauty regimen. There is nothing wrong with looking good and presenting yourself in the best possible light. Take care of your mental self by tapping into your spiritual side. Join a church, pray, fast, and meditate. In spite of your religious beliefs, there are things you can do to relax your mind and enhance your senses. Take the time to be quiet and be still.

Lastly, be willing to give and receive love. Judge the new person in your life on their own merit. Don’t compare them to the person who got away. Especially don’t allow old baggage to find its way into your new relationship. And never verbalize to the new partner all of the wonderful things your ex did in an effort to tell them what they are not doing. When you are ready for love, be open and receptive to receive it. No matter what you have been through in the past, don’t harden your heart. If you do then you are not living. You’re merely existing.

Copywritten by Dwan Abrams